Friday, January 28, 2011

Are we there yet?

Ours comes in 3 parts because they are very distinctive. Infertility, Pregnancy, and Birth. You know that asterisk that appears as a warning sign stating read this before. Our experience is that damn asterisk! We put the “buts” and “maybes” into all things pregnancy! Here is our saga.

It took forever to get pregnant. 20 months total. I thought I was broken. My husband would leave me and I'd be a barren old spinster with 15 cats! We finally went on fertility drugs. After 4 rounds we were spent figuratively and literally. Our last month of treatment would have been our final. We resolved "trying" to have a baby was taking its toll. I had gone to the doctor following our last treatment and was given a big zero. No pregnancy. In my mind I thought it was over. Two weeks later a co-worker commented on my bubbies looking much fuller. I didn't put 2 and 2 together but, it made sense. My body did feel a little different and the girls were certainly in full effect! I emailed Chris and told him I was leaving work and taking a pregnancy test. He was skeptical because of what our doctor said at our last appointment. I went home and got a trickle out. It was barely enough to even turn a result. After 1 mintue I checked and there were 2 lines! I started freaking out. Pacing and panting. My body went into shock. I started gulping water, OJ, and anything I could get my hands on. I had to take another test. I called Chris and told him that we may be pregnant! Following an hour of hardcore chugging I could pee again. Sure enough those 2 lines came up again. Both of us could not believe that there were actually lines. Multiple lines. Two entire lines. We didn't hug. We didn't jump. We both just stood in disbelief. I know we smiled. I know we were happy. Both of us just seemed frozen. The entire moment is a daze.

4 weeks Pregnant: Our first trip to the ER. . I had awful cramping and some spotting. An ultrasound and fluids drawn. My blood and urine were positive. No sak found. I sat and sobbed. Chris just held my hand. We both seemed so lost. After hours of waiting my OB/GYN came down to the ER. She reviewed all of our charts, sonograms, blood, etc. Dr. K still thought everything was positive. We left and 2 days later attended our scheduled appointment. All signs still pointed to a healthy pregnancy. My abdominal pain was due to the amount of fertility drugs I consumed.
8 Weeks Pregnant: Ultrasound confirmed our baby was ok. Our family was beginning.
19 Weeks Pregnant: Back in the ER. Horrible pelvic pain. I cried the entire ride over. I had an infection and was able to receive treatment. The infection was caught prior to causing any harm. Both baby and I were going to be ok.
20 Weeks Pregnant: We were going to find out the sex of our baby. Both of our families were in town to celebrate and shop. I had dreams of a little girl. My biggest concern with the ultrasound was if I was carrying a boy how would I react. Driving to the appointment I was mentally coaching myself to accept the blue team. Sure enough my coaching paid off. There was a baby boy in my belly. I don't think I was sad but, more scared. I didn't know boy stuff or how to care for a boy. My doctor’s appointment followed. Chris and I sat in the waiting area thumbing over the ultrasound pictures. In my head I kept repeating, "it’s a boy". A nurse called us back and I assumed a normal check up was to come. I was wrong...very wrong. Our doctor told us that our baby, our boy, had markers for Downs Syndrome. My heart shattered and my tears exploded. I remember looking at Chris and breaking down. The baby's gender was dead issue. I now just wanted my baby to be normal. Our doctor ran down lots of words and catch phrases trying to reassure us. My heart just sank further. Prior to leaving we scheduled an appointment with a specialist who could examine further and give more clarity. We went home following the appointment to a house full of family. I could barely walk into the room. The tears boiled over and I sat alone in our bedroom. My mom actually broke the news to everyone. I felt selfish for wanting a girl. I felt broken knowing my baby maybe different.
21 weeks: The ultrasound tech at the specialist was so kind. She made our baby the focus and really somehow made a gloomy day seem almost special. After the tech performed the screening we met with Dr R. Dr. R told us more bad news. Our child had more markers for Down Syndrome. Things went from bad to worse. The only true way to tell if our child would have Downs was to perform an amnio. The Dr rattled off all the pros and cons. The list of cons seemed so terrifying. Chris and I both felt that not knowing would be worse than knowing. After signing all releases I was on the table. A needle the size of my arm going into my full belly. I don't remember pain. I don’t remember fear. I just remember wanting my baby to be alive and healthy.
22 weeks: The days leading up the results Chris and I were zombies. We barely ate. We’d lie awake in bed. We stared at each other and cried. Waiting was the worst part. Our minds could wonder away and instantly go to the worst. We wanted to know our family’s destiny. Days after our amnio a nurse called us. I remembered this particular nurse because she was soothing me during the amnio. She had a soft voice. In her muted tone she sweetly said the preliminary results look good. Your baby appears to be chromosomally normal. I hung up the phone and smiled bigger than I ever had. I knew we still had more test results floating out in space but, I knew this was big. This meant it was highly likely our child was going to be ok.
23 weeks: Our boy was going to be ok he was normal. He was ok.
24 weeks and on: Things seemed to calm down. We still had minor hiccups but, considered those instances to be our brand of normal! After all we were just grateful to be having a healthy little boy. Obviously, we both survived!

People told me that woman who have challenging pregnancies have easy births. They are all big liars! My water broke early morning August 21st. I was excited maybe even giddy. My mind and body were tired. I was done being pregnant and the moment was finally here. Chris, my mom, and I drove to the hospital. We arrived at 7:30 AM. My DR was actually about to go off her rotation but, said she would be in tomorrow to check on me and the baby. She explained that there were other doctors on call that day but, they were all equally great. The nurses hooked me up to all the correct instruments. For hours we sat, and sat, and then sat some more. No contractions. No pain. Was I having the easiest labor ever or was something wrong? Nope, the fact was, my water had broken and nothing else had started. The 1st (notice I say first) DR on call decided to let me sit a while longer then around 3 PM start pitocin. My pitocin drip consistently went up with each passing 30 minutes. Contractions would start then stop. Around 4 a.m. I was done. I was exhausted and hungry. There was no energy left in my body. My real breaking point was when the 2nd on call DR came in and said I was only 4cm. Bring out the drugs! I had a total of not 1 but, 3 epidurals. Time 1 missed and time 2 worked and time 3 was at the very end (yes there is an end). Due to the epidural my body started shaking uncontrollably. My mom covered me with blankets and rubbed my head. Chris caught some sleep next to me. At 7 AM my drugs wore off. I was in horrible pain. The worst pain I can describe. My back and lower stomach felt like they were both being stabbed. Nurses came in and out. And DR 3 came to check my status. I still wasn't at 10 cm. At that point I went exorcist. My husband told the nurses his wife was no longer present. I was sobbing and wincing in pain. I really did not know if I would have the strength to push. I begged for a c-section. Sobbed and begged to get my baby out. Finally my DR was back on rotation. We were in labor for 26 hours. It was August 22nd. The Dr, my actual Dr, checked my status. And I was at 10 cm. She saw my pain. I remember her face. Dr. K seemed shocked and appalled I was still there. An anesthesiologist came in and the only words I remember hearing were, "give her a surgical dose". I scanned the room and saw my mother with nurses and Chris was MIA. I believed I was going in for a c-section My fear kicked in because I didn't know what was happening and I didn’t see Chris. Dr K came in and told me she wanted me to push once and see where we get. She coached me and told me I could do this. My husband came back into the room and it was go time. Chris was at my head and my mom at my hip. Dr K's smooth voice told me to imagine a beach. Imagine peace. I did my best and I guess that was good enough. We moved forward and I continued to push. Chris was in my ear the entire time. And my mom gave me reassuring looks. After 15 minutes there was a head. 10 more minutes and HE was here. Dr. K held him up and quickly began to suction his little nose. They took him to the warmer and Chris stood by him. Chris told me every detail and I talked to my baby across the room. I kept saying his name, "Whit, its mommy." He turned toward my voice and I know we met each other across the room. My baby was brought over to me by a nurse. Placed on my chest. He was mine. Whit Patrick was here. I loved Whit instantly. I couldn't remember the past 26 hours or 29 months. We had a healthy baby boy. I watched as my husband held his son and my mother held her grandson. This little piece of time is perfect. I can't find any flaw.

The End??
We have a healthy baby boy named Whit. He is a loud, fat, and downright happy boy. When I look at him I see 29 months of tears and joy. I see my husband. I see my life. I see our future. Parenting is the hardest and most awesome experience. I am excited to see where Whit takes us.

This story is far from over. Hell, my kid isn’t even a toddler yet! I wanted to write down the beginning so I simply didn’t forget or block it out. One day I’ll look back and actually see how Whit got here. What we did. I would not take back one second of anything. Not fertility meds and an epic pregnancy. These things happened because they were supposed to. Everything was for Whit.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Off with your head

I want to be British. I want to eat scones, wear funny hats, and kill small woodland creatures while on horseback. The upcoming royal wedding is my super bowel.

How a royal wedding compares to the Superbowl

Party food : nachos ; collated cream
Game day apparel: jersey; funny large bird adorned hat
Halftime show: Black Eyed Peas; Sir Paul McCartney
Cocktails: keg beer; high tea
Location: The New Texas Stadium ; The Motherland, jolly ole' England
Guest List: Athletes and some Celebs ; The Queen of Sweden
Seriously, does this sound fabulous? I think I am actually going to host a viewing party with some close girlfriends who would appreciate the pump and circumstance!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Two tickets to the gun show

This will only get heavier. Shouldn't something with air in the title be light?
These cheeks will only get bigger...

I'd like to thank safety first and my 19lb son for my arms. I've never had arm muscles or tone but, now thanks to my "bundle" of joy i am a proud member of the gun club! I can't see
W lasting in this seat or my arms keeping up.

She's a BITCH

I have decided in my next life I am coming back as Jiggy from The Real Housewives of BH. Bitch has got it made! Is it sick that a dog lives better then most people? I am totally down with a lush dog house and being carted around in a Bentley...just sayin.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Man in Motion

The best boy ever...Seriously...EVER

Whit knowing he is a big deal

Look at the motion

Big news at Club Kilcoyne, Whit Patrick is rolling over! I am super impressed but, Whitter doesn't seem phased. He just looks chill. As if he came out doing this trick! I feel this new skill makes him the smartest baby ever. He would be president of all the babies ever. Can you tell I am a proud mama! Here are some pics of him in motion.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I don't think you're ready for this jelly

Goal: Have a baby = Success!
Goal: Loose baby weight = Double Success!!
Goal: Have my body back after baby = FAIL
Maybe I live in a bubble ( thank you PEREZ HILTON) but, I totally believed that if I lost the baby weight my body would instantly bounce back. LIES! I have lost the baby weight plus a few extra LBS and still don't have my body. Will my saggy belly defy gravity? Will my stretch marks magically vanish? Will my belly button always be a little bit lower? Vagina (feel free to add your own ironic hmm sound)? Will I ever be on the cover of People Magazine rocking a bikini? The answer to all is NO, NEVER, AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!! In fact I am pretty certain that life will only be saggier!
I am not going to idealize embracing change or accepting this new figure. Instead I choose to pout. I am going to mourn the passing of gravity. Bottom line is, I love my son and I frankly am too vain not to love myself! I'll have my temper tantrum now and get over it by the time baby #2 rolls around!

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